There's No Place Like Home

As my parents pack up our old family home in preparation to move to a smaller, more suitable space, I couldn’t help but reflect on how we are humans can become so attached to physical places. I don’t consider myself a particularly sentimental person but the old saying from the Wizard of Oz “There’s no place like home” has never been more pertinent in my life than at this moment of departure from this particular space.

While my brother and I moved out of the house years ago, there has always been something special about going “home home” – back to our roots and the comfort of childhood roles. It is the kind of safe space into which one tends to just melt as one walks through the door. Our family home just oozes with memories and has proved a space for us to love, connect and find rest for the last 25 odd years. In the process of saying goodbye to this old comfort a few weeks back, I decided to have a quick run around the property, sat on the garden bench and then dipped my feet in the pool – activities I have done thousands of times throughout my childhood, adolescence and even adulthood in this space. These simple acts caused my mind’s eye to be flooded with joyful, cherished memories. I had the type of idealic childhood that they write about in children’s books – high tree swings, muddy banks, explorative garden spaces, a beautiful blue swimming pool and a home filled with love, laughs and ice-cream. While my parents can take most of the credit for creating those special memories, I can’t help but salute the actual structure and space of the house as I truly believe it played a large role in creating such meaningful connections.

As I have grown older and have had to create my own home in a variety of places, I have come to realise the importance of creating a sense of “home” as quickly as possible. Coming home each day to “my home” is an important part of the human experience and without it, I can attest that one feels a bit lost and out of joint. As I consider the current number of worldwide refugee crises – from Syria to Myanmar to Southern Sudan – my heart breaks for people who have been forced to leave their family homes as a result of war and oppression. Someone once said that “The home is the chief school of human virtues.” What are children learning as they are born and grow within the confines of a refugee camp? How can we create humans who understand peace and safety when they have no home to call their own? We must never take for granted the privilege of having a space to call our home.

As an occupational therapist, I believe in the importance of finding and creating meaning in all sorts of spaces. No matter where we are, we can do well to encourage and create physical spaces that bringing us into an enriched place of memory-making. Whether it’s incorporating certain colours, pieces of furniture, smells, textures, artwork or décor, there is some so comforting about establishing a meaningful place of rest, hope and peace within our busy world. I want to come home to a place where I can let out those deep contented sighs as I sip on a cup of tea (or wine!) after difficult days in the demanding 21^st century lifestyle. Let’s create spaces where people can come into our homes and find a sense of peace, a safe space to share their souls and join in the joyful process of memory-making.

May God bless our homes.

An Ode to my Family Home

Goodbye old friend, how wonderful it’s been

The memories we’ve shared; the changes we’ve seen

You’ve held my family in a close-knit hold

Allowing us to play, love and grow old

You’ve bid us farewell on adventures afar

But welcomed up home like a guiding star

You’ve housed our animals - fur and dirt abound!

You’ve stood firm as we’ve buried them in your healing ground

You’ve been such a comfort: a safe space to unwind

After a long, busy day, in you peace we do find

You’ve witnessed our joys and experienced our pains

You’ve held us fast though sunshine, clouds and rains

You provided a safe space for all my childhood joys

Hide-and-seek, Monopoly, Lego and stuffed toys

You’ve seen me change; Oh how I’ve grown!

Childish games to teenage talks on the phone

You’ve watched me breaks hearts and have my own broken

You’ve listened carefully to all the prayers I have spoken

You’ve allowed me holiday rests during university

And helped me figure out the person I want to be

Your presence has been a simple reassuring measure

Coming “home home” to you is a feeling I’ll always treasure

You now have a new family, new hearts to hold

New memories to make, new futures to unfold

The tears flow easily and I let out a sigh

It is finally time to say a bittersweet goodbye

Thank you dear home for this journey together

We’ll treasure the memories and remember you forever

Living Simply

My reflection on my time living in (yet another!) small town.

God seems to have an agenda in my life that I have yet to quite understand. He seems set on making me a small-town kind of girl! The last nine months have been both frustratingly difficult and incredibly refreshing at the same time. I know in my previous blog, I touched on the process of learning to accept my circumstances - something that doesn't come naturally to me and how I am slowly developing the art of being content in the space in which I find myself. I have continued to journey with these concepts, with some success and failure along the way. 

One of the biggest differences that stands out from my year in Kroonstad (Free State, South Africa) is how simple my life has become. From an occupational therapy perspective, I have started to understand the concept of just "being" rather than "doing ". As a natural go-getter, I have found the endless time I have a bit of a challenge. What does one do with all this free time? The first 2 months really shook me as I was confronted with a severe sense of meaninglessness...a lack of purpose and fulfilment in my life. Without a full-time job, social circles or prospective outreach activities, I was left feeling quite clueless. I had to take a hard look at my life and think about how I could this opportunity (because getting a year off is an amazing opportunity if one decides to use it!) to better myself as a person and hopefully rub off on those around me. 

Slowly, I started to engage in a number of new activities. I began a few woodworking projects which were great growing experiences for me. I have learnt how to play the guitar (and need continuous practice), cook new dishes, build puzzles, repair clothes on my sewing machine and read copious amounts of life-giving books. I have been able to develop my paediatric OT skills through some charity OT sessions as well as challenge myself to run a few sessions a month at the local private psychiatric unit. I have engaged in so many activities that have helped me to broaden the scope of who I am and what I can do. Many of these simple activities have now become meaningful occupations in my life. Without the opportunity to have time off to search for purpose, it is highly likely I would've never learnt these skills.

I have another daily reminder to live simply through the life of a little boy. This child has a severe learning disability and obvious challenges in his daily life. With a complicated birth history, he spent the first few years of life surrounded by much support and prayer. He is now an adorable 7 year old who has no idea that he is different and enjoys the small pleasures of going to the local pre-school, learning to use scissors and playing in the sandpit. His joy is completely intoxicating at times as he runs around the classroom squeezing with delight from a new Bible story he just heard or the prospect of an upcoming cake sale.  He epitomizes living life simply and reminds me on daily basis what pure joy and love look like. As his classroom "facilitator", I thought that taking this half-day job would make me go crazy. After working in a hospital with so many different types of patients every day, how would I be able to cope with the same monotonous routine of just one special needs child? Instead of being the prescriptive OT who informs the caregivers of specific activities to do with a child, I became that caregiver, forced to do daily repetitive tasks for the sake of the child's learning. I prepared myself for a mundane, mindless-numbing year. But God had a plan and reached down into my purposeless life and gave me a love for this child which overwhelms at times. I look forward to each day and the potential things this little boy is going to learn. I have been amazed with how much he has progressed and marvel at how excited he becomes with new learning concepts. We are currently working on the number 5 and boy does it bring much laughter and clapping when he gets it right! I now consider being a part of this child's life a huge privilege and appreciate each day we have together. He has changed me for the better and I am so grateful for this opportunity.

This year has reminded me to live simply, to appreciate each day for what it has offer, to see how I can be Gods love and light to everyone I meet and to find peace and rest in the space of a day. I encourage you to live a bit more simply, no matter where you are and how busy life may get. Whether it's to learn a new skill, take up a hobby or choose to engage in the life of someone who will likely make you a better person, go and do it. Live simply.

The Art of Acceptance

I resolve to be content.

The last few months have been growing ones for me (a watered-down euphemism I’ll admit, but one which aptly describes the development of my understanding of what it means to be truly content). During this time, I have once again been reminded that I need to stop making my own plans for my life, because the more I plan, the more things just don’t seem to work out. God is clearly in control and I need to learn to accept that His ways are always, always better than my own. I need to let go of my hopes and dreams and place them into the secure hands of a providing God who has yet to let me down.

I’ll be the first one to admit that the process of becoming content within one’s own reality is no easy task, particularly when one feels so far from where one had hoped to be. There is no quick fix, but rather an intentional change of both perspective and attitude within each new season of one’s life. Acceptance and contentment are skills that need to be chosen and adopted and then slowly applied and mastered through each demanding life experience. I know that I am still in this growing (there’s that word again!) process because every now and again, my desire for control rears its ugly head and I am filled with such intense frustration and disappointment regarding my current situation.

I indiscriminately aim these unnecessary emotions at the ones I love the most -  God, my husband and the Church, blaming them for my current circumstances. [Quick disclaimer: I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife. I never wanted to live in a small, rundown Afrikaans dorpie in my mid-twenties (or ever really!). My current circumstances seem to be a far cry from where I had hoped and dreamed to be at this stage in my life…but where is that exactly?] I feel a sense of anger towards these role players who have changed my plans and placed me in situations in which I really don’t enjoy. But what is the point of dejection? It really serves no purpose. I quickly realised that I needed an intentional change in perspective and attitude if I was going to survive this season of my life. I am now in the process of learning to understand the disappointment of my current circumstances and to accept and embrace them for the joy that they can bring.

This post is all about the beauty and joy one can find in accepting the realities of life. I give full credit to a book I have recently read for the happy ramblings that are to follow. The Book of Joy is a truly remarkable collaboration between his Holiness the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop Desmond Tutu with author Douglas Abrams at its helm. It is their gift to the world of how to create lasting happiness in a changing and harsh reality.

So here I am, stuck in a small town in the Free State province of South Africa, not particularly sure of what I am doing or how I can find a sense of purpose and meaning in my situation. How can I learn to accept the reality of my situation without being morose? How can I accept my life in all its pain, imperfection and beauty?

In the Book of Joy, the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama remind us that we are meant to live in joy, but this does not mean that life will be easy or painless. In actual fact, life is constantly unpredictable, uncontrollable, and often quite challenging. But we can choose how we react to this reality. We often experience a sense of suffering because of the way we react to people, places, things and circumstances in our lives, rather than accepting them. It is impossible for us to experience joy with this perspective. Acceptance is the sword that cuts through all of our resistance, allowing us to relax, to see clearly and to respond appropriately.

Acceptance means that we can turn our faces to the wind and accept that this is the storm through which we must pass. The acceptance of reality is the only place from which real and lasting change can begin. We need to realign our thinking, no longer asking the question, “How can I escape this?” but rather “How can I use this as something positive?”

My acceptance of my reality allows me to engage with life on its own terms rather than rail against the fact that life is not as I would wish. My anger and disappointment arose of my expectations of how I thought my life should be. When we accept that life is how it is, not as we think it should be, we are able to move from suffering, stress, anxiety and dissatisfaction, to a place of greater ease, comfort and happiness.

I’m not saying that if one is in a bad situation, one should do nothing to get out of it and rather just accept it for what it is. Acceptance is not passive. It is the opposite of resignation and defeat. It is a powerful, active force; a paradox in and of itself. Christian author, Priscilla Shirer, puts it like this, “Contentment is the equilibrium between the enjoyment of life now and the anticipation of what is to come…it is the key to unlock you from the bondage of unrestrained longing that wells up within your heart and inevitably begins to control your life, making you a slave to what you don’t have instead of a fully engaged participant with what you do. It is the faith-filled belief that what God has bestowed now is worthy of gratitude and appreciation, not merely because it is enough but because it is good…Contentment is the ticket to live with goals and ambitions inspired by His expansive, mid-blowing will, without having to sacrifice today’s blessings.” 

Acceptance does not deny the importance of taking life seriously and working hard to change what needs changing, to redeem what needs redemption. Look at the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama…they are two of the world’s most tireless activists for all its inhabitants, but their activism comes from a deep acceptance of what is. For example, the Archbishop did not accept the inevitability of the apartheid system, but he did accept its reality. Often, once we have come to a place of acceptance of our reality, that we can really start to make a difference to our lives and the lives of others we encounter.

As a Christian, I have faith in a God who is in control of my circumstances and creates and uses situations to bring about the best for me. More often than not, the difficult situations in my life have caused for the most growth, the most compassion and a more genuine me. I need to stop trying to hurry through this current season but rather learn to pay attention to how God is working, because there will come a time in the future (maybe at the end of time itself?) when I will truly see the fullness of joy in all the situations that have passed. As Philip Yancey once wrote, “Our lives are the raw material through which God can work and create beautiful pieces of art.” But we have to let Him. One of the hardest things to do is to learn to be present in each moment– to accept the vulnerability, discomfort, and anxiety of everyday life. Being content with the messiness of life is one of the most relinquishing, refreshing and hopeful things a person can do. There is so much beauty in the mess, we just have to learn to look for it.

The Serenity Prayer:

God, give us the grace to accept with serenity

The things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things which should be changed,

And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other

Reinhold Niebuhr